corrade-lsl-templates – Blame information for rev 15

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15 office 1 I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment". Oh really? You mean you didn't actually catch the murder on video?
2 I think my new dog thinks he is a blacksmith As soon as I took him inside he made a bolt for the door
3 What do you call the work of a renowned geologist? Rock solid
4 My friend David lost his ID yesterday... We just call him Dav now
5 How much citrus does it take to kill a pirate? None.
6 Why are women terrible drivers? Because making sandwiches behind the wheel is a lot harder than making them in the kitchen.
7 Woman : All men are dogs. Me : Which breed is your dad, bitch?
8 My sex life is just like Star Wars It's either Han Solo, or I have to use force.
9 What is the best way to break a shield apart? Seth Rollins with a chair
10 What does a hooker with good manners say after fucking her customer| "I'm so glad you came"
11 Being a father completely changed me. I'm one of those motherfuckers now.
12 What do you call a southern girl who runs faster than her brothers A virgin
13 A city girl meets a country boy in a restaurant When the buy asked her out she responded "oh I know you country boys will fuck anything that walks. Pigs, chickens, goats and horses." The boy made a disgusted grin. "chickens???"
14 My girlfriend told me to fuck her like a man. So I stuck it in her ass and called her Steve
15 I told my friends I had a date with a really attractive girl... they told me she was imaginary, but the jokes on them, because they are too.
16 Browser joke What do we want? Chrome/Firefox: Faster internet! When do we want it? Internet explorer: Faster internet!
17 Why Would Clint Eastwood be Bad at Restructuring a Business? He can't remember if he fired 5 or 6.
18 Are you all alright?? -YEEES - says audience -No you are all alleft
19 I thought about making a cripple joke... ... but it would be lame.
20 Whoever hates oral... Can just suck my dick.
21 What do you do for a living? Nothing edit: just to be clear this isn't me. The depth of this joke is big
22 My sister died in a car crash She did always want to be a princess
23 What is so good about dead baby jokes? They never get old
24 Shout out to tears for fears
25 How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
26 My wife and I got into an argument she said 'you should treat me like I'm the last woman on earth' I said- what, lock you down in the basement and let men cum on your face for a million dollars?
27 What do you call a phobia of machetes? Common sense
28 How long has Michael J. Fox had Parkinson's disease? About 30 years, just amazing, thought he would have shaken it off by now.
29 My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure. So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die.
30 I got kicked out of the library today I got kicked out of the library for putting the women's rights book in the fiction section
31 Me and my friend used to like playing war growing up one day i went to his parents house and told them their son died
32 I have beef- -aroni.
33 What do you say to a video game developer who's not that hard? Ubisoft.
34 You cant expect an honest person to beat Usain Bolt... Only a cheetah can.
35 [NSFW] What is the worst part about eating a bald pussy? Putting the diaper back on when you're done.
36 What is Eminem made of? He is made of Mathers
37 Do you know what the scientific name of Viagra is? Mycoxafloppin.
38 What do you call a clan for chickens? Coo clucks clan
39 Potter household Voldemort: knock knock James: who's there? Voldemort: you know James: you know who? Voldemort: correct James: James: Fuck
40 Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank the coffee before it was cool =?
41 What type of fishing line is best for taking out a group of 1st graders? A Sandy Hook Yes, I'm sorry. Yes, I stole this from Facebook
42 So who was the first knight at the round table? Cir-cumference!
43 My mom named her vacuum Slayer It's been around since 1981 and has fucking sucked ever since.
44 A crossfitter, a Texan, and a vegan walk into a bar. How do you know? They all tell you within 3 seconds.
45 Bad Dad Joke So my Dad told me this joke that was so bad, he only told it to me once. "I'll be right back."
46 How can you tell if a post on r/Jokes is unoriginal? It makes the front page.
47 An apple a day... Keeps the non-binary away
48 So I knocked up my Jewish girlfriend; Now we have a little Jew in the over.
49 Slept like a log last night Woke up in the fireplace.
50 Which bees produce milk? The boo-bees!
51 What did the jazz fan name his pachyderms? He called his elephants Gerald.
52 What did the kid with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves! Nah, just kidding. He hasn't unwrapped it yet.
53 New movie coming out about a golden retriever who helps a deaf boy. It's called "Ear Bud."
54 Mexico's president says he will not go to the U.S. for a meeting with Trump The wall's not even finished and it kept a Mexican out!
55 Did you know Princess Diana has dandruff? They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment
56 My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess... So I crashed her into a wall
57 Some day, Canada will take over the world. And then we'll all be sorry.
58 I'm going to start calling my roommates dog Dray After Draymond Green, because there is no way that is part of her natural jumping motion.
59 What is a KKK member's favorite game? Hangman
60 If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks... Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.
61 There's a lot I don't get about women The main thing being their phone number.
62 Asked my dad what he thought about my new haircut... He said it was "obsolete", so I told him that I was actually a trendsetter. He said "Yes. That trend set many years ago".
63 What do you tell a nazi with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told Richard Spencer twice!
64 How come you never see third class mail? Third class envelopes are disproportionately likely to be lost in the voyage.
65 LPT: How to stop procrastinating Step one: Prepare to do whatever it is that you need to do Step two: Do it tomorrow. This frees you from the work you would have done grudgingly, which decreases the quality anyway.
66 How much do noodles cost? How much do noodles cost? About a penne.
67 What's another name for a Japanese demon dog? A pupper-oni.
68 We're two days into the Chinese New Year, the year of the rooster and I'm still writing year of the monkey on my checks
69 Whale junior: Dad, where did I come from? Papa whale: From my penis. Whale junior: Umm thanks? Papa whale: You're whalecum
70 What movie did Trump watch with his family tonight? Wall-E
71 "Dad, I've got to masturbate." "Two maths debate! I knew I had high expectaisians!"
72 Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
73 Where do European generals keep their armies? In their sleevies.
74 "What do we want!" "Hearing aids!" "When do we want them!" "Hearing aids!"
75 Welcome to jim's seafood shack and brothel... (nsfw) The crabs are buy one get one free
76 [Nsfw] How do you know you have a high sperm count? She has to chew before swallowing
77 "Can we not have sex tonight? I'm tired" "Hi Tired, I'm dad"
78 There are 10 kinds of people in this world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
79 What's a donkeys favourite breakfast cereal? Mule-sli
80 It's not that Trump is a traitor. He's an "alternative patriot."
81 What's a Mexican midget barbers favorite restaurant? Little Cesar's
82 If Pikachu was a Nazi... ...would his name be Gasajew?
83 What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll.
84 I'm not bashing Trump I'm providing "alternate praise!"
85 I tried singing for my supper today. Looks like I'm having rotten tomato soup tonight.
86 You know why I drink apple juice? Because OJ will kill you
87 What do you call the underwear of someone experiencing nocturnal emissions? Dreamcatchers
88 I like my women like I like my coffee I don't like coffee
89 What do you call the third hand on a clock? Second hand.
90 I had my FIRST THREE WAY!!! There were a couple of no-shows, but I STILL HAD A GREAT TIME!!
91 How do lexicographers compile dictionaries? They scrabble about for words.
92 I saw a veteran begging in the street which made me very upset But then I remembered I wasn't required to give the military quarters.
93 What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda? Civic doody.
94 Jack and Jill went up the hill So Jack could lick Jill's fanny. Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock 'cause Jill's a goddam tranny!
95 How come there are no Olympics in Mexico? Because all of the Mexicans that can run jump and swim are already in America.
96 I'm deathly afraid of elevators. I take a lot of steps to avoid them.
97 Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? It was a nice ceremony....but the reception was amazing!
98 Here is the only way to resist Trump's agenda leave a mouse trap in front of your vagina.
99 In His Lust For Knowledge The Mathemagician con-summed himself.
100 Here I was thinking that 2016 was over And now it came back for Moore
101 Shout-out to my arms For always being by my side
102 Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Alternative facts.
103 Sometimes life is like toilet paper.. You are either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.
104 A company testing on animals just got sued for testing a chapstick on horses that made their lips burn off. They called it neigh-balm.
105 It was getting very late and my niece was getting scared. "Uncle Davey, I am scared walking out here in the forest." "You?? What about ME!? I have to walk back all by myself!"
106 What's the difference between a blue whale and a sperm whale? Depends on if she lets me nut or not.
107 Where do dads keep their jokes? In their dadabase.
108 The Trump Administration releases the contractor hired to build the infamous wall Bill DeWall, Inc.
109 What breed of dog is the most depressing...? A melancholy.
110 My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.
111 As Jeff the street sweeper says "A clean place is not where one sweeps, but where one doesn't litter" That's why he traded in his broom for a shotgun.
112 The anti-vax movement just got its first clothing sponsor Polio Ralph Lauren
113 What was the pig when he got laryngitis...? He was dis-gruntled!
114 What drink does hitler hate the most? JUUUUICE!
115 Did you hear who Ryan Reynold's wife turned into when she found out he was having an affair? Blake Deadly.
116 How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poker face.
117 I tried making a chemistry joke today... ... But all the good element jokes Argon
118 Ivanka is pregnant again, her new baby boy is due in October. She should call him Wally.
119 A Zwitterion walks into a bar... A Zwitterion walks into a bar. The bartender asks him about his job. The Zwitterion says, "Eh, there's some positives and negatives about it".
120 I couldn't decide how to propose to the love of my life So I decided to ask her husband for advice.
121 Dave lost his left arm and left leg in an accident 3 years ago. Don't worry, he's all right now.
122 What do you get when you mix a bell with poop? Duuuuuuung
123 A truck load of Viagra was stolen yesterday Police don't know who did it, but they're on the lookout for hardened criminals.
124 The other day I snuck a peek at my shrink's notes and I saw she'd written "MESSIAH COMPLEX" in big capital letters. It caught me off guard. I've known I'm the messiah all of my life but I've never been called complex before.
125 Did you know Trump played soccer in high school? He was a goalkeeper, set up a wall like you've never seen...
126 No one talked about it but the threat level was raised on January 20th, 2017 They raised it to orange.
127 What has nine arms and sucks? Def Leppard
128 There was a fight in the fish n chips shop the other day The fish got battered!
129 I had a dream that I was fighting Jason Bourne, Will Hunting and Tom Ripley Thanks to months of therapy, I'm finally battling my Damons.
130 Blind people of Reddit. I was watching a movie called 23 Blast (about a football player that went blind) and was curious if you can see when you're dreaming. Oh. . . wait a minute.
131 Dad Joke Kid laugh Edit : I've made a huge spelling mistake
132 I used to have a weird affliction that caused me to alter all my Reddit posts to add the names of my favourite Frasier and Cheers actors but I'm over it now. Edit: Grammer
133 It's now apparently politically incorrect to say "Black paint" Now you have to say "Tyrone can you please go paint the fence?".
134 Why aren't Mexicans good Firefighters? Because they don't know the difference between "JosÈ" and "Hose B"
135 What do you call a pathetic number of chickens? A poultry sum.
136 Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger kill insects? Because he's an ex-terminator
137 The best thing about ISIS jokes? The execution
138 Did you hear Apple is going into the wine business? Their vineyard will produce every varietal of wine... except ports.
139 You know what's black and doesn't work? Decaffeinated coffee.
140 Virgin mary enters into heaven as soon as she gets in she notices a hot dog stand. She blushes and giggling says "the holy spirit!"
141 "Have you heard the news? "What?" "Me neither. "
142 My wife said she hates Diablo 3 because it's about demons I said, babe, it's not about demons, its about gambling!
143 Trump is supporting the minorities The minority of scientists that disbelieve global warming.
144 I climaxed on a blind girl's boobs yesterday She didn't see it coming
145 Bury it... ...it's my dad's 'dead joke'.
146 What does a sailor in the navy farts smell like? Seaman.
147 What do you call a cow who's had an abortion? Decaffeinated
148 There's a brand new cemetery in town Everybody is dying to get in
149 What do you call an Asian guy that always shows up before he needs to? Earl Lee
150 The biggest lie "I have read the terms and conditions"
151 Jenny Craig I dropped 40 pounds on Jenny Craig. I think I broke her leg!
152 I head the singer of "Chandelier" is visiting my town I'm looking out for her, but I just can't Sia!
153 Do you know the story about the invisible nymphomaniac? They say you never see her coming.
154 Why did Johnny Cash have the Cocaine Blues? He ran out of cocaine.
155 The US should rejoin Great Britain Its not like we mind Taxation without representation anymore.
156 A Trump supporter tells a reporter, "Everyone knows we're great at taking tests." Reporter: "What gives you that idea?" Trump supporter: "Everyone keeps calling us 'quiz-lings'."
157 A stopped clock is correct two times a day, but how many times is it wrong?
158 It's stay lighter later in the evening. Great now I can your moms ugly face.
159 My friend just found out that he is both gay and dyslexic. He is still in Daniel.
160 Did you hear why the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus shut down? Because the Trump administration is now the greatest show on earth!
161 My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats That's nuts, I told him
162 Alternate Lyrics: I kissed a Trans and I liked it. The taste of her hairy lap stick.
163 What is the center of a gay apple's life? DÈcor.
164 Why was the cookie so sad? Because his mother was a wafer so long.
165 Life is like toilet paper... Life is like toilet paper, you?re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.
166 My girlfriend told me that if I took her to get sushi, I didn't have to use a condom after. She's getting the raw end of that deal!
167 I read an article recently on Hitler's speechwriter... Apparently he was a real grammar Nazi.
168 How do you like your eggs in the morning? Boiled, poached, scrambled or fertilised?
169 Aussie chat up line "...bite on this stick sheila..."
170 It's difficult being a dyslexic agnostic I'm never quite sure whether or not there's a dog
171 The secret to making your computer a modern racist? Hold Alt+R
172 Have you ever had sex while camping? It's fucking in tents.
173 Tortoises ... are nazi turtles
174 What did the Hawaiian Jihadist say before he died? Aloha Ackbar!
175 Heard about the fruit that became a president? He got impeached.
176 My date was impressed when I said I really want to see her inner-beauty. She was less impressed when I asked to see inside her butt hole to spot it.
177 Why do batteries feel lonely? Because they are never included in anything.
178 Why do they call "roach-clips", "roach-clips"??? because potholder was already taken. I know it's like a venn diagram of drug jokes and dad jokes.
179 Dad tell me a joke[nsfw] "Hey dad tell me a joke" Dad:"Pussy" Son:"I don't get it" Dad:"I know hahahaha"
180 What's the difference between a chickpea and a green pea? Trump wouldn't pay $1000 to have a green pea on him.
181 NSFW My girlfriend was arrested for riding her bike today. She was charged with peddling pussy.
182 I posted a question about the brightest star in the night sky, but all I got were joke replies. Should've added the [Sirius] tag.
183 I walked in on my parents having sex last night... Possibly the most awkward 45 minutes of my life...
184 How come Abraham Lincoln never went to jail? Because he was in a cent
185 How was there no jackass in a giant penis costume at the women's March? That would of been hilarious. You would never see feminists beat a dick so hard.
186 I told my wife I wanted to try anal sex She told me she's been having sex with an asshole for years.
187 What do you call a 20th century grammar nazi? Alt-Write
188 Need your best Short Jokes One sentence max, I'll start: A Dyslexic walks into a bra
189 How do you get a Jewish girl's number? Lift up her sleeve.
190 Artistic people of Reddit, what is being artistic really like? And can I get fries with that?
191 Why did Purple hate Red? Because she left him feeling Blue
192 What was Albert Einsteins DJ name? MC Squared
193 What have women and clouds got in common? It only becomes a nice day after they piss off.
194 Friends are a lot like trees... They fall down when hit multiple times with an axe.
195 A man has been shot with a starting pistol... The police are pretty sure it's race related.
196 An SEO Expert walks into a bar An SEO Expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, hangout, lounge, nightclub, mini bar, bar stool, tavern, pub, beer, wine, whiskey.
197 Shout out to all my people with split personality disorder You know who you are
198 What is Blastoise's favourite sex move? Hydrohump.
199 Did you hear about the fire at the hemp factory? It was high priority for the firefighters to get there.
200 What's the 8th wonder of the world? Great Wall of Jina
201 I have a new advice podcast for senile Tarantino fans It's called "I Don't Remember Asking You a GOD Damn Thing"
202 A 79 year old pirate has his next birthday this morning.... he wakes up and says to his crew, "AYE-matey!"
203 Only 90's-2000's kids will understand I am a financially stable and responsible adult, and my life is completely in order. Excuse me while I go drown myself in alcohol.
204 Why did pyramid head always drag his weapon around? Because its illegal to carry!
205 What Does Donald Trump Have in Common With London Dispersion Forces? They are both easily pushed to one side and can take a negative charge.
206 I like my women like my salad Undressed
207 Everybody's making a big deal about the Mexican president canceling his meeting with Trump... The wall isn't even built yet and it's already kept out at least one Mexican.
208 After nine years of being together, I finally got down on one knee. And begged her to take it up the arse.
209 I took my kid to a magic show... I took my kid to a magic show last night. The magician announced that for his final trick, he was going to make himself disappear. And so he began to count: "Uno! Dos!" And then he vanished without a tres!
210 Minecraft is not a video game Real video games have curves
211 Why do Republican libertarians play Xbox more than their friends? They hate it when everything has to be PC.
212 What do you call a dating agency for well-to-do herpes sufferers? Elite Shingles
213 Describe THE WALL in one word Yuuuge!
214 What's the hardest part of playing ultimate frisbee? Explaining to your parents that you're gay.
215 What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell
216 A Trump supporter decides to protest with his gun outside of a mosque. What should the police do? Nothing. He'll eventually shoot himself in the foot.
217 The Oakland Raiders are moving to Las Vegas. Thus making "went to a Raiders game" yet another thing people won't talk about when they get home from Vegas.
218 I took a vacation to a city in France. It was Nice.
219 In the middle east its hard to tell who's crazy, And Hussein.
220 Australians don't have sex They mate
221 Why do pirates never quit their jobs? Because once they lose a hand they get hooked.
222 I had a thought the other day Losing 15 pounds sounds a lot better in America than in England.
223 What does a robot do after sex? Nuts and bolts.
224 I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
225 Dad Joke Dad: (Grabs his chest) Call me an ambulance Son: You are........ an ambulance Dad: Proud of you son.
226 What type of music do astronauts love? Neptunes!
227 A steak pun is A rare medium well done.
228 Sugar is the only word in English language in which "Su" is pronounced as "Shu". I am pretty sure about it.
229 Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
230 I really like Windows as an OS. You could say I have a Micro_soft_ spot for it.
231 I went to Kennedy Space Center to become an astronaut, but the scientists were not very supportive. They just said things like, "You're not qualified" and "Why are you naked?" and "I CAN'T CATCH HIM HE'S COVERED IN BABY OIL."
232 What does the Surgeon General, the Postmaster General, and the General of the Army have in common? I'm running all of their alt twitter accounts.
233 What do you get when you cross an elephant with Darth Vader? An elevader.
234 There is a place with a 98% recycling rate! r/Jokes
235 How does a seamstress reply to someone asking her how her day was? So,so.....
236 Shout-out to my grandma Because that's the only way she can hear me.
237 As a guy, it's not that I have anything against psychiatric wards... I'm just afraid of commitment.
238 We have a strange custom in our office. We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there. Yesterday for example I got me a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was "Kevin"
239 A wife dragged her husband to their marriage counselor appointment with his fishing net. "Do you see what I have to put up with," the wife says. "Yes," said the counselor. "He's obviously in seine."
240 What climate scientist does Disney follow on twitter? The rogue one
241 What did the boy with no arms get for christmas? Cancer.
242 A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
243 What's the best part of being a lesbian in 1912? Both got seats on the titanic's lifeboats.
244 What you call a black guy with a lower body growth disorder? Knee-grow
245 What camp were jewish pets sent to? Mousevitz
246 What is a Physicist's favorite author? Joules Verne
247 What do you call an emo on a hiking trip? Cliffhanger.
248 What do Germans say when you send them a fire meme? Danke!
249 To all those that received a book from me for a Christmas present They're due back at the library today.
250 What did the detective say when it started to rain I better run don't want my trench coat to become a drench coat
251 What do you call hamburger in India ? God
252 What's the opposite of Tim Walken? Tim Daly.
253 I rang the RSPCA hotline... I rang the RSPCA hotline to tell them I'd just found six Badgers in a suitcase by the side of the road "Are they moving?" asked the operator "Not sure" I replied "But that would explain the suitcase"
254 What's the difference between a priest and a sister? Nun
255 I was listening to my German Student perform Goldfish by Debussy... Unfortunately, his playing was rather Vichy.
256 Why did Dracula fail math? He forgot how to Count.
257 why did Saturn get a ring? told god, "if you like it, then you better put a ring on it"
258 Are you a good cook? colleage - Oh you cook!! How good of a cook are you? me - the hungrier you are, the better i am.
259 I'm not sure if Trump will be re-elected I don't have 2020 vision.
260 What did Barak say to Joe on the last day of his presidency? "Bi-den. Keep in touch"
261 My professor just said that the particle of light is like a bullet... The black objects absorb more.
262 What do you call a bionic pig? Robocop
263 Why was the anomaly so poor? Because it didn't make any cents!
264 A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff... Baa dum tssssss
265 The European Union is disgusting! Absolutely disgusting! EU!